Children’s anger presents challenges to teachers committed to constructive, ethical, and effective child guidance. This Digest explores what we know about the components of children’s anger, factors contributing to understanding and managing anger, and the ways teachers can guide children’s expressions of anger.

Three Components of Anger

Anger is believed to have three components (Lewis & Michalson, 1983):

The Emotional State of Anger. The first component is the emotion itself, defined as an affective or arousal state, or a feeling experienced when a goal is blocked or needs are frustrated. Fabes and Eisenberg (1992) describe several types of stress-producing anger provocations that young children face daily in classroom interactions:

• Conflict over possessions, which involves someone taking children’s property or invading their space.
• Physical assault, which involves one child doing something to another child, such as pushing or hitting.
• Verbal conflict, for example, a tease or a taunt.
• Rejection, which involves a child being ignored or not allowed to play with peers.
• Issues of compliance, which often involve asking or insisting that children do something that they do not want to do–for instance, wash their hands.

Expression of Anger. The second component of anger is its expression. Some children vent or express anger through facial expressions, crying, sulking, or talking, but do little to try to solve a problem or confront the provocateur. Others actively resist by physically or verbally defending their positions, self-esteem, or possessions in nonaggressive ways. Still other children express anger with aggressive revenge by physically or verbally retaliating against the provocateur. Some children express dislike by telling the offender that he or she cannot play or is not liked. Other children express anger through avoidance or attempts to escape from or evade the provocateur. And some children use adult seeking, looking for comfort or solutions from a teacher, or telling the teacher about an incident.

Teachers can use child guidance strategies to help children express angry feelings in socially constructive ways. Children develop ideas about how to express emotions (Michalson & Lewis, 1985; Russel, 1989) primarily through social interaction in their families and later by watching television or movies, playing video games, and reading books (Honig & Wittmer, 1992). Some children have learned a negative, aggressive approach to expressing anger (Cummings, 1987; Hennessy et al., 1994) and, when confronted with everyday anger conflicts, resort to using aggression in the classroom (Huesmann, 1988). A major challenge for early childhood teachers is to encourage children to acknowledge angry feelings and to help them learn to express anger in positive and effective ways.

An Understanding of Anger. The third component of the anger experience is understanding–interpreting and evaluating–the emotion. Because the ability to regulate the expression of anger is linked to an understanding of the emotion (Zeman & Shipman, 1996), and because children’s ability to reflect on their anger is somewhat limited, children need guidance from teachers and parents in understanding and managing their feelings of anger.

Understanding and Managing Anger

The development of basic cognitive processes undergirds children’s gradual development of the understanding of anger (Lewis & Saarni, 1985).

Memory. Memory improves substantially during early childhood (Perlmutter, 1986), enabling young children to better remember aspects of anger-arousing interactions. Children who have developed unhelpful ideas of how to express anger (Miller & Sperry, 1987) may retrieve the early unhelpful strategy even after teachers help them gain a more helpful perspective. This finding implies that teachers may have to remind some children, sometimes more than once or twice, about the less aggressive ways of expressing anger.

Language. Talking about emotions helps young children understand their feelings (Brown & Dunn, 1996). The understanding of emotion in preschool children is predicted by overall language ability (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Teachers can expect individual differences in the ability to identify and label angry feelings because children’s families model a variety of approaches in talking about emotions.

Self-Referential and Self-Regulatory Behaviors.Self-referential behaviors include viewing the self as separate from others and as an active, independent, causal agent. Self-regulation refers to controlling impulses, tolerating frustration, and postponing immediate gratification. Initial self-regulation in young children provides a base for early childhood teachers who can develop strategies to nurture children’s emerging ability to regulate the expression of anger.

Guiding Children’s Expressions of Anger

Teachers can help children deal with anger by guiding their understanding and management of this emotion. The practices described here can help children understand and manage angry feelings in a direct and nonaggressive way.

Create a Safe Emotional Climate. A healthy early childhood setting permits children to acknowledge all feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, and does not shame anger. Healthy classroom systems have clear, firm, and flexible boundaries.

Model Responsible Anger Management. Children have an impaired ability to understand emotion when adults show a lot of anger (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Adults who are most effective in helping children manage anger model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and nonaggressive ways.

Help Children Develop Self-Regulatory Skills. Teachers of infants and toddlers do a lot of self-regulation “work,” realizing that the children in their care have a very limited ability to regulate their own emotions. As children get older, adults can gradually transfer control of the self to children, so that they can develop self-regulatory skills.

Encourage Children to Label Feelings of Anger. Teachers and parents can help young children produce a label for their anger by teaching them that they are having a feeling and that they can use a word to describe their angry feeling. A permanent record (a book or chart) can be made of lists of labels for anger (e.g., mad, irritated, annoyed), and the class can refer to it when discussing angry feelings.

Encourage Children to Talk About Anger-Arousing Interactions. Preschool children better understand anger and other emotions when adults explain emotions (Denham, Zoller, &Couchoud, 1994). When children are embroiled in an anger-arousing interaction, teachers can help by listening without judging,evaluating, or ordering them to feel differently.

Use Books and Stories about Anger to Help Children Understand and Manage Anger. Well-presented stories about anger and other emotions validate children’s feelings and give information about anger (Jalongo, 1986; Marion, 1995). It is important to preview all books about anger because some stories teach irresponsible anger management.

Communicate with Parents. Some of the same strategies employed to talk with parents about other areas of the curriculum can be used to enlist their assistance in helping children learn to express emotions. For example, articles about learning to use words to label anger can be included in a newsletter to parents.

Children guided toward responsible anger management are more likely to understand and manage angry feelings directly and non aggressively and to avoid the stress often accompanying poor anger management (Eisenberg et al., 1991). Teachers can take some of the bumps out of understanding and managing anger by adopting positive guidance strategies.

Condensed by permission from Marian Marion, “Guiding Young Children’s Understanding and Management of Anger,” Young Children 52(7), 62-67. Copyright 1997 by the National Association for the Education of Young Children.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, they learn to be guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

By Dorothy Law Nolte - Author of Children Learn What They Live

12 Friendship Skills Every Child Needs

Kids can be picky about who they play and mix with.

Popularity should not be confused with sociability. A number of studies in recent decades have shown that appearance, personality type and ability impact on a child’s popularity at school.

Good-looking, easy-going, talented kids usually win peer popularity polls but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee they will have friends.

Those children and young people who develop strong friendships have a definite set of skills that help make them easy to like, easy to relate to and easy to play with.

Here are twelve essential skills that children have identified as being important for making and keeping friends:

1.  Ability to share possessions and space
2.  Keeping confidences and secrets
3.  Offering to help
4.  Accepting other’s mistakes
5.  Being positive and enthusiastic
6.  Starting a conversation
7.  Winning and losing well
8.  Listening to others
9.  Starting and maintaining a conversation
10. Ignoring someone who is annoying you
11. Cooperating with others
12.  Giving and receiving compliments

Friendships skills are generally developmental. That is, kids grow into these skills given exposure to different situations and with adult help.

In past generations ‘exposure to different situations’ meant opportunities to play with each other, with siblings and with older and younger friends.

They were reminded by parents about how they should act around others. They were also ‘taught’ from a very young age.

Arrested development

The NEW CHILD grows up with fewer siblings, fewer opportunities for unstructured play and less freedom to explore friendships than children of even ten years ago.

A parenting style that promotes a high sense of individual entitlement rather than the notion of fitting in appears to be popular at the moment.

These factors can lead to delayed or arrested development in these essential friendship skills, resulting in very unhappy, self-centred children.

Here are some ideas if you think your child experiences developmental delay in any of these essential skills or just needs some help to acquire them:

(1)  Encourage or insist that kids play and work with each other: Allowing kids the freedom to be kids is part of the message here but parents have to be cunning with the NEW CHILD and construct situations where kids have to get on with each other. For some kids “Go outside and play” is a good place to start!!

(2)  Play with your kids: Interact with your kids through games and other means so you can help kids learn directly from you how to get on with others.

(3)  Talk about these skills: If you notice your kids need to develop some of these skills then talk about them, point out when they show them and give them some implementation ideas.

Kids are quite ego-centric and need to develop a sense of ‘other’ so they can successfully negotiate the many social situations that they find themselves in.

As parents we often focus on the development of children’s academic skills and can quite easily neglect the development of these vitally important social skills, which contribute so much to children’s happiness and well-being.

“Children — both boys and girls — seem to love the experience of very rich big-body play,” observes Francis Carlson in her Exchange article, “Rough and Tumble Play 101,” which can be viewed on the home page of www.ChildCareExchange.com.  In her article, Carlson describes how to support appropriate rough and tumble play and shares these benefits from allowing it to happen:

“Through the (very) physical interactions required in rough and tumble play, children are learning the give-and-take of appropriate social interactions. Successful participation in this play requires children to become ade pt at both signaling and detecting signals — a social skill they will need and use throughout their lives. When detecting these signals, they are learning to read and understand the body language signifying the play should come to an end. The play also requires children to alternate and change roles. Sometimes one child chases; at another time the child is chased. Because this give-and-take mimics successful social conversations and interactions, the social roles practiced and learned in rough and tumble play provide children with the social knowledge needed for future relationships.

“Social and emotional domains are not the only developmental areas positively affected by this play. When children use this big-body play, the intense physical exertion of rough and tumble play also supports cardiovascular health. Through their involvement, young children get the moderate to vigorous physical activity needed for optimum physical health. And, because rough and tumble play is so physical, children get many of their vital touch needs met through the play. Because the preschool period is a critical period for children to develop both physically and emotionally, rough and tumble play for preschoolers is invaluable.”

In their Beginnings Workshop article, “Managing Challenging Behaviors: Adult Communication As a Prevention and Teaching Tool,” (Exchange, July 2005), Tom Udell and Gary Glasenapp observe that the manner and quality with which adults give directives and verbally interact with young children can make a big difference in the kinds of behaviors exhibited by those children. Here are some of the guidelines they offered for providing verbal guidance to minimize challenging behavior . . .

“Avoid using questions you do not mean to ask. Use question statements only when you truly intend to provide a choice. A direct request such as, ‘Jason, please wash your hands,’ is preferable to ‘Jason, will you wash your hands before snack?’

“State requests and directions in a positive manner. Asking a child to ‘Walk in the classroom’ is more positive and more clearly understood than ‘Don’t run.’

“Avoid repeating requests and directives. Repeating directives can become troublesome because children quickly learn that they are not expected to respond the first time they are given a direction. Adults do not want to inadvertently teach children that it is okay to ignore requests that are made of them.”

From ExchangeEveryDay

How often do you hug?  Do you like to sit close and hold each other’s hands?  Recent research shows it’s good for your health.  Between loving partners, between parents and children, or even between close friends, physical affection can help the brain, the heart and other body systems you might never have imagined.

For centuries, artists have examined love through poetry, painting, music and countless other arts.  In the past few years, scientists supported by NIH have begun to understand the chemistry and biology of love.

At the center of how our bodies respond to love and affection is a hormone called oxytocin.  Most of our oxytocin is made in the area of the brain called the hypothalamus.  Some is released into our bloodstream, but much of its effect is thought to reside in the brain.

Oxytocin makes us feel good when we’re close to family and other loved ones, including pets.  It does this by acting through what scientists call the dopamine reward system.  Dopamine is a brain chemical that plays a crucial part in how we perceive pleasure.  Many drugs of abuse act through this system.  Problems with the system can lead to serious depression and other mental illness.

Oxytocin does more than make us feel good.  It lowers the levels of stress hormones in the body, reducing blood pressure, improving mood, increasing tolerance for pain and perhaps even speeding how fast wounds heal.  It also seems to play an important role in our relationships.  It’s been linked, for example, to how much we trust others.

Dr. Kathleen C. Light of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill studies oxytocin in married couples and those permanently living together.  She and her colleagues invite couples into the laboratory and ask them to spend at least 10 minutes holding hands and talking together about a happy memory, usually about how they met and fell in love.

“What we’re trying to do in a lab situation,” Light explains, “is recreate some of the experiences in real life where they felt close.”

The couples then get their blood drawn and fill out a questionnaire about the quality of their relationship.  When the researchers compared their responses to the levels of oxytocin in their blood, they found that people who have a more positive relationship with their partner have higher levels of oxytocin.

Light and her colleagues are now trying to understand how conflict and other factors in relationships affect a couple’s oxytocin levels.  The results of those studies aren’t yet in.

One thing researchers can say with certainty is that physical contact affects oxytocin levels.  Light says that the people who get lots of hugs and other warm contact at home tend to have the highest levels of oxytocin in the laboratory.  She believes that frequent warm contact may somehow prime the oxytocin system and make it quicker to turn on whenever there’s warm contact, even in a laboratory.

The same holds true for mothers and infants:  they both produce higher levels of oxytocin when they have lots of warm contact with each other.  “Those women who hold their babies more at home have higher responses when they hold their baby in the lab,” Light says.

Much of what we know about oxytocin has come from research in animals.  Mother rats, for instance, can stimulate oxytocin in their pups by licking and grooming them.  This loving care has long-term effects.

When researchers separate pups from their mothers for 10-15 minutes a day and then reunite them, many mothers are so glad to see their pups that they lick and groom them intensively.  If the separation lasts for several hours, however, it can have the opposite effect; the mother won’t lick and groom her pups.  Some mothers just never lick and groom their pups when they come back.

Pups that are groomed a lot when they’re reunited with their mothers become more comfortable exploring new environments.  The ignored ones develop more anxiety disorders, produce higher levels of stress hormones and have higher blood pressure.

Research from other animals, including monkeys, confirms that the quality of care a mother gives her offspring can have long-term effects on their personality characteristics and mental health as well as physical problems like heart disease.

Animal research is also shedding light on oxytocin’s role in other social bonds.  Mice that lack oxytocin can’t recognize other mice, even after repeated encounters.  When they’re given oxytocin, however, they can recognize other mice again.

Dr. C. Sue Carter, co-director of the Brain Body Center at the University of Illinois at Chicago, has been studying oxytocin in prairie voles, which form strong bonds with their mates.  When the researchers block oxytocin, the voles don’t form such bonds.  Oxytocin is especially important for females to form bonds with their mates.  In males, a related hormone called vasopressin also plays a role.

Oxytocin and vasopressin aren’t miracle compounds, however.  Giving these hormones to other animals—even other types of voles that don’t normally form social bonds—doesn’t suddenly cause them to form loving bonds.  Animals must have the proper genes to respond to these hormones in the first place.

“Most of us are genetically programmed to form social bonds,” Carter explains, relating the results back to people.  But the ability to form close bonds, she says, is shaped by early experiences.  In the end, a complex interaction of genes and experience makes some people form social bonds more easily than others.

We may not yet fully understand how love and affection develop between people—or how love affects our health—but research is giving us some guidance.  Give those you love all the affection you can.  It can’t hurt, and it may bring a bounty of health benefits.

Information taken from www.nih.gov

In her Beginnings Workshop article, “The Spirit of Place,” (Exchange, September, 1997) Anita Rui Olds discussed the importance of considering the mood of children . . .

“Being forced to maintain the same level of alertness and concentration all day undoubtedly places internal stress on children’s bodies, even if this is not perceptible to the adult eye.  A variety of moods — providing options for different levels of engagement — helps people to feel comfortable and remain alert in the same environment over long periods of time.  Many centers suffer from either blandness or overstimulation with insufficient variety of mood within each group room.

“The mood for each function should match the level of activity and physical energy children expend in performing it.  Tranquil activities occur best in warm, soft, textured spaces.  Expansive activities require spaces that are cooler, harder, and more vibrant in tone. The ultimate goal is a room with several activity areas, each of which has a unique spirit of place.  Then, as children go from place to place within the room’s four walls, they can experience spaces that are soft and hard, dark and light, cold and warm, colorful and bland, large and small, noisy and quiet.”

Recent research is confirming the fact that we can live longer, and be sharper, if we keep our brain stimulated with enjoyable mental, physical, and social activities.  Work & Family Life (February 2009) shared these research-based brain-boosting tips:

Breathe deeply. Before you tackle any mental chore, take a few deep breaths.  This will send oxygen to your brain and will also have a valuable calming effect.

Try new things. Do something different every day.  Introduce yourself to someone and start a conversation.  Make a mundane change in your routine such as taking a different route to work.  Or even do something silly like eating di nner with your non-dominant hand.

Eat fish rich in omega-3. A diet that includes regular servings of baked or broiled fish is great for the brain.  Many studies have identified the omega-3 fatty acid in fish as uniquely helpful in slowing age-related mental decline.

“Modern American households are starting to resemble those of centuries past,” observes Newsweek magazine (August 24, 2009), “when it was the norm for multiple generations to live under the same roof.”  According to an article in the magazine, the number of U.S. households with three or more generations increased by 38% between 1990 and 2000.  Then, between 2000 and 2007, the number of parents living in homes of their adult children increased by a whopping 67%. In other cases, grown children with families of their own are moving back into their parents’ homes due to economic challenges.  Other factors are at work as well.  For example, immigration is playing a role - certain cultures favor extended-family living - as is increasing longevity - with more households called upon to care for aging parents longer.  And finally, according to futurist Andrew Zoli, cited in the article, people born after 1975 could end up taking care of their mothers longer than their mothers took care of them.

A new report makes a case for paying more attention to the critical role that out-of-school factors have on children’s school success.  Commenting on his report, “Poverty and Potential Out-of-School Factors and School Success“, author Henry C. Berliner, a professor of educational leadership at Arizona State University, observed, “As wonderful as some teachers and schools are, most cannot eliminate inequalities that have their roots outside their doors.”

Berliner’s research focuses on 7 out-of-school factors that influence student’s academic success and lead to inequalities among children:
•    prenatal care
•    health care
•    food insecurity
•    environmental pollutants
•    family stress
•    neighborhood characteristics
•    extended learning opportunities

The report calls for, among other things, the nation to provide high-quality preschools for all children and universal free medical care.

From Childcare Exchange - www.childcareexchange.com